There I stood, on the Precipice.  Afraid to jump into the darkness of surrender, yet afraid of what turning back meant.  Jumping meant surrendering all, everything.  Jumping meant giving over ALL control over the future, over fears, over hurts, over my will…everything.  Turning back gave me a chance to try and control and manage my life.  Even though all these years of managing/controlling have led to frustration and despair, it still seemed like a better option.  Turning back meant that I would be without the One.  It meant forever trying to fill the void of life with things that I could come up with…emptiness.

I have been here before, many times.  I never like being here.  There is so much confusion.  So much anger.  So much fear.  Every time, I turn back…I turn to what I know, what I can do, what I can manage.  Here I am again, time to make a decision…

Having jumped, I am still alive.  The moments after the jump were very thrilling.  Every moment, I felt more a live and free.  LIFE!  Entering into surrender was life giving. The path into the darkness was so full of light.  Things seem darker, now, than in the moments from jump to landing.  Even though it is dark, something is different.  Something is in the air.  It is a subtle but wonderful scent.  HOPE!  When I breathe deeply, I can feel the hope filling my lungs and entering into my blood.  Then, it courses through my body, with strength and courage to move in the darkness.

Only One is Light and can speak into the darkness, giving direction and meaning.  Only One knows where the next step will lead.  Only One knows the plan.  Only One is trustworthy.  I must relinquish fear.  I must trust, the One…