Wholly frozen Ocean and window, batman!

Oceans freeze!

Okay, so that makes sense.  I mean we have the Arctic and Antarctic Oceans.  Then there is the Bering Strait.  Okay, so oceans freeze.  No big deal.

 However, I guess I never thought I would see an ocean that is frozen.  I have seen the Pacific plenty of times.  But, it never ceases to amaze me that it is frozen.  Sure, I am in Alaska.  But, Anchorage stays warm in the winter because of ocean currents coming from warmer places.

I suppose that there is a connection between a frozen ocean and the reality that Anchorage has been below 25 degrees for about 6-7 weeks…with many days dreaming of reaching 25, but never making it past single digits.

Because of this cold, I had not been able to open my bedroom window, for six weeks.  It had been frozen shut from condensation running down and making little ice falls, in the windowsill.  (Want to hear something gross?  That was 6 weeks of frozen breath…no wonder my room had this interesting smell.)

 Well, that all changed today.  I was able to get the window open.  How wonderful   I mean, seriously, it was so refreshing to feel the cool air, while working at my computer. (I am one of those warm people who needs cold.)

If your wondering how I got the window open, it is because the last several days have been quite lovely.  Today, it even got up to about 38 degrees.  I just loved going outside in my T-shirt and soaking up some rays.  Glorious.

See, I told you I have been chosen to be frozen.  How else could you figure that I love this place and this cold…

Peter gets it wrong, again…

I am reading through the Gospel of Mark and came across this, in chapter 9 verses 2-13…

Jesus takes Peter, James and John up a mountain, where He is transfigured.  This must have been an awesome sight to see.  I am not sure I fully understand what transfigured means, but Jesus’ clothes becoming radiantly white and having Elijah and Moses show up had to be impressive.  So impressive that the boys were terrified (v.6).

So, Peter, not knowing what to say, speaks up anyway.  (I like Peter.  He gives me hope that God can use me.)   And, in what seems to be fine-fashioned form, for Peter, he gets it wrong…AGAIN.

For reference, Peter is a passionate guy who is reported as getting it wrong on several occasions.  Once, Jesus called Peter satan, because Peter tried to rebuke Jesus.  (Matt. 16:22&23) Then, there is when Peter tells Jesus not to wash his feet, and in the next breathe tells Jesus to wash his whole body. (John 13:6-10)  Of course, there is Peter’s denial of Jesus, after Jesus is arrested. (Matt. 29:69-75)

Now, I don’t mean to get down on Peter.  The reality is that I get it wrong all the time.  And, in the midst of knowing that Peter and I will get it wrong, God appoints us to be His ambassadors.  What?  Yes, God sees things in us that we can’t see.

So, back to Peter talking when he didn’t know what to say.  Why?

Why is it that Peter can’t just listen?  What is it that I…I mean Peter thinks he has to offer?  Why do I think I need to say something?  Here I am, in the presence of the Glory of God and listening to a talk between Jesus, Moses and Elijah and I feel the need to say something…

I love, but am humbled by God’s answer…yes, God spoke directly to Peter!  And He said, “This is my beloved Son, listen to Him.”

Is that a Holy “PIPE DOWN?” (say that with a Scottish accent.)

Whatever it is, I know it is time for me to start listening more to Jesus and doing less talking…

Yipee!

So, I was finally able to close the deal on a vehicle.  I am totally stoked and am in awe that God would choose to bless me with this vehicle.  I am also reeling in thankfulness for my “home” church in Montana that raised all the money to get the vehicle.

Wow, what an amazing blessing.

 So, it is a 1998 Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo, 4X4.  It is in great shape and has a very clean body, with no rust…rust is a common problem in AK (road salt).  I guess I could tell you all about it, but hey, those are just details.  The big deal is that God has provided for my needs, once again.

 You know, there is something very deep and very sad (to me) about this whole thing.  It is that I really struggled to believe in and wait for God’s goodness and provision.  I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to take things into my own hands…why not just whip out the credit card and just fill my need. 

Even after I knew the money was provided, it was a struggle to wait to find the “right” car.  I mean, it took a month and many test drives before I came to the point of believing this is the car I was “supposed” to buy.  But here it is!  I have only driven it for about 60 miles and already just feel like it is “my car”… You know like I have had it for a while and we just fit? (disclaimer:  Of course, I know that it is not my car.  Rather, it is God’s car and He has entrusted me with it, to use and take care of…maybe like the parable of the talents…)

So, why did I ever doubt?  Because I still struggle with taking God, fully at His Word.  I am growing, but I have a long way to go…

The Prestige

So, as a reward for surviving the bus, I saw “The Prestige” today.  It really is a pretty good movie.  There is a lot going on and it is hard to tell all of the illusion, but that is what made it such a good movie.  There were parts that bothered me, throughout the movie.  Some of them were cleared up in the climactic…wait a second…I’m not going to say any more about that.  Just know that there were some things that bugged me about the movie, but it was worth the mind bending entertainment…

Take that, bus system

Haha, you didn’t get me today, evil bus system…

Okay, so the bus system is actually quite nice. I have to say, though it may be silly, that I was a little worried about how todays endevours would end up.  I mean, by myself in the “big city” and all.   Really, the only down side to riding the bus is this silly cold weather…it’s not too bad until you have to stand around in 10degrees for 20 minutes.

All in all, I had a good go at the bus.  I think that my fears from childhood have been overcome, and I might even become a fan of public transportation.  Right now, it is easy to be a fan, since I don’t have my own   But, I can see the benefit of taking the bus to campus…no gas, no parking and a little time to think through the day (both directions.)

The bus

When I was a kid, I hated the bus.  It was like a sign that your parents didn’t love you, or you didn’t have any friends or you didn’t have any money.

Truthfully, that has kinda stuck with me and has been a deterrant for me to utilize public transportation.  The first time I had to ride the “bus”, as an adult, was when I was in Siberia.  They were this crazy little vans with crazy little drivers.  But hey, it was faster the the train and was way cheaper than our buses.

Now, I am about to embark on a bus excursion.  If I am successful, in the first leg, I will get to see a movie.  If I am successful, overall, I will live to write another day.  If I don’t make it, I could end up a Scooter Pop, frozen on the side of the rode, or I could get swallowed up by “the system.”

 Until we meet again…

Feelings

There is something that happens to a person, when they are most fully alive.  They have feelings.  Maybe these feelings are something they have known, maybe they are new.  As I have found, these feelings seem to be stronger the more alive a person becomes.

One of the feelings I have found to become stronger is that of gratitude.  With all the blessings I have received in my life, one would think that I would be one of the most grateful people around.  Well, that hasn’t been the case.  However, I have experienced this deep feeling of gratitude growing at an ever-increasing rate.  The down side of this growing heart of gratitude is not knowing how to communicate such things.

Sometimes, I feel so deeply about the people that God has used to bless my life, even a passing thought of them brings tears.  Then, I try to tell these people how I feel and I cannot get the words out, or I make a joke to keep from losing it, or I say something stupid and do not get to even share my heart before I torque them off. 

Feelings can be hard to handle, especially if you lived so much of your life trying to suppress feelings.  Truth is, I have lived so much of my life in a state of numbness.  Even though I am 29, I am just learning how to handle strong feelings.  Let’s just say, “Sometimes, feelings are messy.”

Another feeling that has recently been camping out in my life is that of hurt.  Hurt is a feeling that I know well.  In fact, that is why so much of my life has been searching to find something to keep me numb.

This time, things are different.  Now, the hurt that I feel is for another.  Even bringing this feeling to words, causes me to stop.  I find myself crying for a dear friend, because this friend has been assaulted by the world.  Not just in one way, but many ways over many years.  Oh, I wish I could take away all the pain this friend feels.

However, I know that this friend is going to have to walk through this pain.  Not alone, even though it may feel like it, but this friend will have a “friend who is closer than a brother.”  Experience has shown me that walking through the pain, to healing, is much better than it just being gone.

Truthfully, I never thought that I would cry for another person.  I really did not care that much about people.  I was so caught up in my world and how I have been wronged and what I thought someone owed me, that I couldn’t see those around me, who are hurting.

And, people are hurting.  I mean, all it takes is a few conversations on a college campus, on a bus, in a restaurant, at the mall or on the street to see that this world is full of hurting people.  Hurting people that are looking for something to numb themselves, or are just running from the pain.  It is so sad, but who is there to tell them any different?

And really, where is their hope?  Well, it really is not me, but I know the one that is there hope.  Oh, that I will be able to communicate the One Hope to them.  May they be able to see past religion and see the heart of Jesus.  His heart is hurting for them too, and He can take away the pain and He can healing the wounds.

There are other feelings I have that are strong, but I will save those for another day…

Coming Alive!

The last three months of my life have been very stretching.  If moving to a new state; helping start new ministries, across the biggest state in the Union; learning a different way of doing ministry and leading a team isn’t challenging enough, God has been doing more in my life.  He has also been teaching me about relationships; hurting for other people and helping me “Crucify my flesh” (in ten, specific areas…at the same time.)

I can’t tell you how many days I just wanted to throw in the towel, because I was tired, hurting, confused, angry, lonely, or just plain at the end of my rope.  I have been stretched and pulled to a capacity that I never thought possible.

Yet, in all of this, I have never felt so alive!  I mean, my heart is feeling deeply, and I see God more clearly than I have before.

2 Corinthians 4:16 seems to be a perfect summation of what God has been doing in my life.  Paul tells us, “So we do not lose heart.  Though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day.”

I cannot explain it any better.  As the external things in my life come to an end and my old, selfish nature is put to death, the “real me” (the one God created me to be) is being renewed day by day.  All the things that I used to find identity in or turn to for pain killing or numbing or just checking out just are not as important as I thought they were.  In fact, the less I turn to those things, the more I find the life I am actually really looking for.

This should come as no surprise, since Scripture makes it clear (in many ways) that this is the case.  Matthew 16:24-26 is a passage that God has used for many years to try to get me to see the foolishness of me trying to live life my way. 

It is so clear.  The more of “me” I lose, the more I actually become the real me!  Like no other time in my life, I am seeing this clearly.  I find myself living the life I have always wanted.  You know, those things in your insides that you just wish you could, but can’t ever seem to be (without trying…hard.) 

I wish that I could say that I am experiencing these things because I am just willingly surrendering my life to Jesus, but that would be a lie.  Then, where would I be?  Well, maybe that is where the “crucify” part comes in.   I mean Jesus did not crucify Himself.  An angry mob, a group of religious leaders, a couple of government officials and a group of soldiers all had their part in putting Him on the cross.

So, God has been doing many things in my life to crucify my flesh and to get me to move beyond the life I thought I had, so that I may know true life…”abundant life.”

Whispers

Do you ever experience things going on in your life or in others’ lives or just going on around you that make you think there are whispers of something bigger, something greater going on?  Lately, I have been a part of a lot of instances where it just seems there are these whispers.

I think of Chronicles of Narnia and how the animals start reacting as they hear the whispers of Aslan returning.  Well, I don’t know if Jesus’ return is coming soon, but I do know that He is at work.

As I look around, some of the things He is doing are like slightest whispers.  Other things are like an entire Emergency Response team pulling up to your housing in the middle of the night…blaring, screaming, piercing.

One of the recent whispers rose to another level tonight.  Last week, I was meeting with a teammate and a student at one of the schools I get to work with.  We were talking to the student about the mission and vision of what we are about.  The first whisper started with this girl getting more excited as she heard what we are really about. She has been involved with a branch of ministry that carries our name, but not necessarily our essence or direction.  When we challenged her to get committ to deeper involvement with us, she backed way out.  So, we went to talk to her more.

As we were talking, there was a guy that sat down near us.  It seemed that he had overheard our conversation and at one point was laughing and nodding his head, as I talked with this girl.  Now, I wasn’t sure what was going on with this guy, but there was this whisper of something going on.  It turns out that he had overheard us and what we were talking about.  As he was getting ready to leave, he stopped by, asked who we were and said, “I need to get involved.”

Well, I fell all over myself looking for some contact information to give to him…this really doesn’t happen every day   And, of course the day it does, I forget my card.  I found something and gave him my number, then he left.  I explained (to the student), quite excitedly, that this doesn’t happen every day and then we continued our conversation.  When we finished meeting with this student, I was thinking about what had happened and was bummed because I didn’t get his info.

You see,  most people who take information don’t call back. I was worried he was another lost opportunity.  Well, God must be working, because this guy called me tonight and wants to talk with me about getting involved.  Are you for real?

Whispers…are we listening closely?

Transition

I am headed to Reno, NV.  Nothing against Reno, but I can’t say that I have ever really looked forward to going there and don’t really now.  Part of the reason is because of the chaos (I’ve been there once before.)  The other part is because of the transition that Team Yeti will be making.

One of our team member has made a choice to leave the team.  It is a good choice for this person and I believe the rest of the team is really behind this person. 

The hard thing is that we really care deeply about this person and will miss this person.  We have only known each other for about 3 months, but it is amazing how well you bond when you are battling together for souls.  I know I will miss this person dearly.

Please pray for our team, that we would be able to mourn and transition well. 

There is another transition that I am not looking forward to.  Here, in AK, it has been between 5 and 25 degrees for the past 3 weeks.  I am one of those strange ones who really likes this type of weather.

Well, it is going to be in the 50’s and 60’s in Nevada.  That doesn’t really sound all that warm, but anything above freezing feels like too much, so this sounds absurd.

I guess I could look at the bright side.  Maybe I can work on my tan